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RightBias Idiot Awards  



Top Idiots Of The Week
Nancy Morgan
RightBias.com
December 27, 2008

AND THE WINNER IS:

A Swedish man's attempt to impress his date went horribly awry, as he ended up lighting himself on fire and going into shock. His date said,  "Don’t ask me what the point of the trick was supposed to be."  
 
RUNNER-UP:
 
A home-owner using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch accidentally set fire to his North End home. Oops.

Our second runner-up is a 27 year-old Deltona woman. She just didn't feel like making love with her husband and made her feelings known by biting her husband's schvanschtooker. She was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery. No word on her husband's schvanschtooker.

HONORABLE MENTION:
 
The idiots who decided to hold a sex-fest on 'International Orgasm Day' in order to promote world peace. Unfortunately, they had to cancel the event after receiving numerous threats.
 

We're awarding our 'idiot' designation, in advance, to any air traveler who is stupid enough to "assuage their guilt and minimize the impact of their air travel" by buying certified carbon offsets at the new airport kiosks in San Francisco International Airport.
 
Also worthy of honorable mention is the group of Japanese workers attending a farewell party for their colleague. They celebrated his retirement by throwing him in the air - then they failed to catch him. He died of his injuries.

POLITICALLY CORRECT IDIOTS:
 
Nut Alert: A peanut on the floor of a US school bus recently led to evacuation and decontamination for fear it might have affected the 10-year-old passengers.
 


The gay penguin couple, right, are seen here quarrelling with another male over stolen eggs
Hundreds of schools in Britain have banned the use of red ink when marking papers. They fear it might upset the children. Aaargh!

A pair of gay penguins thrown out of their zoo colony for repeatedly stealing eggs have been given some of their own to look after following a protest by animal rights groups.
 
STUPID CRIMINALS:
 
An Ypsilanti man will spend at least three years in prison for attacking a woman with 10 pounds of frozen chicken after stabbing his mother with a fork.
 
A Texas man has been arrested after a 9-year-old girl wrote to Santa Claus asking that a relative stop touching her and her sister.
 
From the 'ITS NOT MY FAULT!' files:
 
A wife beater is suing United Airlines for getting him all liquored up, which “caused” him to lose control and smack his poor wife around.
 
Convicted last year of intoxication manslaughter for the death of her boyfriend, the 21-year-old daughter of a state district judge is suing the truck driver she ran into during a drunken driving crash.

JUST PLAIN WEIRD:
 
A mother spent hours being thrown around a corkscrew-style roller-coaster ride – unaware she was pregnant and about to give birth.


A Colorado Springs family is part of one of the strangest cases in medical history. A pediatric brain surgeon said he discovered a small foot growing inside the brain of 3-day-old Sam Esquibel.
 
Authorities have launched an inquiry into claims made by plastic surgeon Dr Alan Bittner that the fat he had sucked out of patients in liposuction operations was turned into biodiesel fuel and used to power his 4 X 4.


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So many idiots, so little space.
Feel free to send RightBias your picks for next weeks' Idiot Awards.



RightBias Idiot Awards may be reprinted, with attribution to RightBias.com





 
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