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Cartoons
Cartoons Last Updated: July 31, 2014
Courtesy: Pooki18


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Late Night Jokes  
Last Updated: July 31, 2014
Courtesy: Newsmax


Conan
Tuesday Night, July 22

A professor from U.C. Berkeley said we are on track for having the worst drought in 500 years. Which explains why Larry King was overheard saying, "This again?"

You can tell this drought is getting really bad. Today at lunch, my waiter asked if I wanted a glass of water or a future for my children. I took the water.

There's a lot of speculation about the new iPhone. It's expected to have a larger screen and a better operating system. Yes, the new iPhone will be called last year's Samsung Galaxy.

Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married. 


Late Show With David Letterman
Wednesday Night, July 30

At Times Square they now have people dressed up as superheroes. Over the weekend Spider-Man beat up a cop and was thrown in prison. Today he was in court with his lawyer — Shyster-Man.

On TV tonight is the movie "Sharknado 2." I didn't see the first "Sharknado." I'm worried I won't be able to understand "Sharknado 2."

What happens in "Sharknado 2" is a storm breaks out and there's a tremendous downpour of sharks. And it's embarrassing because The Weather Channel predicted only a light sprinkling of trout.

Martha Stewart has a drone. Are we comfortable with an ex-con owning a drone?


 
The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Wednesday Night, July 30

 Everyone's reeling from the big fight between two Hollywood tough guys: Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber. They engaged in fisticuffs today in Spain. Who won the fight? I think WE did, America.

Orlando approached Justin and started throwing punches. It was brutal. Mascara was flying everywhere. There were no broken bones. But sadly, a few broken nails.

Every great fight needs a great name. What should we call this one? The commotion near the ocean. The girly taunt in the restaurant. The effeminate fray in the café. The not-a-scratch-on-ya in España.

It's Arnold Schwarzenegger's birthday. Arnold celebrated quietly at home with his friends and his families. 

 
 
 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
  Wednesday Night, July 30

Actor Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber last night during an argument at a night club in Spain. Orlando's hand was pretty sore today, you know, from all the high-fives he got.

Bieber and Bloom got into a fight. Luckily, a stranger broke it up. He said, "Girls, girls, stop it . . . I mean gentlemen."

In New Jersey a woman dressed like a clown walked away with minor injuries after she crashed her car into a utility pole. Unfortunately, the other 300 people in the car weren't so lucky.

A new study found that having a sense of purpose can actually help you live longer — While having a sense of porpoise can help you swim longer.


Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Wednesday Night, July 30

Yesterday there was a water main break right next to UCLA. Water was shooting out of the ground for four hours before it was turned off. They say 20 million gallons of water flooded the campus. I didn't even know L.A. had that much water.

In Washington the House passed a bill today to go forward with a lawsuit against President Obama. Who says Congress can't get anything done? They're suing the president.

That lawsuit against the president is ridiculous — unless they do the trial on "Judge Judy." Then I'm all for it.
  

 
                                
 
    Late Night With Seth Meyers
  Wednesday Night, July 30

 According to new estimates, Beyoncé and Jay-Z will make $84 million from their world tour. Which is good because 84 million is an easy number to divide by 2.

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon claimed he failed his most recent drug test because he ingested secondhand marijuana smoke. Said Gordon, “That’s right, I smoked some with one hand, and then I smoked some with my second hand.”

According to French officials, the gardens at the Louvre have become overrun with rats. Officials later apologized and promised to refer to us as Americans in the future.

Wikipedia is now accepting donations using the online currency Bitcoin. So now you can support information you’re not sure is true with currency you’re not sure is money.
 

 


 
 
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