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Cartoons
Cartoons Last Updated: December 3, 2016
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Late Night Jokes  
Last Updated: December 1, 2016
Courtesy: Newsmax


Conan
Wednesday Night, November 30

This week, Sarah Palin said that God helped Donald Trump win the presidential election. When he heard this, a furious Satan said, “Don’t I get credit for anything?”

Yesterday, Donald Trump had his third top secret intelligence briefing. If you’d like to know the details, just check Trump’s Twitter feed.

At their dinner together, President-elect Donald Trump and Mitt Romney dined on sautéed frogs legs. I don’t know about you, but eating frogs legs with Donald Trump sounds like someone lost a bet.

Last night, Donald Trump and Mitt Romney had dinner together at an expensive restaurant in New York City called Jean-Georges. The two billionaires dined on fancy French cuisine and then talked about how out of touch Washington is.

In the next few years, the federal government is planning to forgive $100 billion of student debt. So, congratulations to six USC grads.

An expert panel has recommended that a medically-induced pregnancy made from three people’s DNA could begin as early as next year. So finally some good news for the Jonas Brothers.

Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of candles from the Yankee Candle Village. The suspects are being described as white.


The Late Late Show With James Corden
Wednesday Night, November 28

Yesterday Donald Trump sat down to dinner with Mitt Romney at Jean-Georges French restaurant in the Trump International Hotel, because nothing says “man of the people” like eating an $800 dinner in a tower you named after yourself.

If you are wondering what was on the dinner menu, Romney started by eating his words. Then for the main course he swallowed his pride, dignity, and self-esteem.

If are you having trouble getting in the Christmas spirit you might want to move to Japan, where Domino’s is doing a promotion where they say your pizza will be delivered to your door step via reindeer. Even Santa Claus was like, “I don’t believe this is real.”

 In other weird Japanese news — or as they call it in Japan, news — there are now plans for a park in Japan that will be a combination of a hot springs spa and an amusement park. It either sounds nice or like a sanitary nightmare.


 
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Wednesday Night, November 28

Trump and Romney last night were dining at a four-star French restaurant called Jean-Georges. Sounds fancy, but Jean-Georges could be French for “Waffle House.”

And they were joined by Reince Priebus, who is Trump’s chief of staff and not, as you may think, an item on the menu. “Would you care to start with some priebus? It has been lightly reince’d.”

The billionaire of the people ordered young garlic soup with thyme and sautéed frogs legs. I thought he said he was going to drain the swamp, not eat its contents.

 
 
 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
  Wednesday Night, November 30

Tonight was the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. Thousands of people waited for hours in the cold just to go, “Cool. Back to the hotel, let’s go back to the hotel.”

The Obamas just had the White House decorated for their final Christmas before they leave. They want to make it look nice for Santa, since he’s not coming back for at least four years.

Trump and Mitt Romney were spotted having dinner here New York last night, and everyone’s talking about Romney’s expression. It got even worse when the spaghetti came and Trump said, “Ever see ‘Lady and the Tramp’?”

A Swiss company just released a new $250 drone that’s actually attached to a rope that you hold in your hand. They say it helps to control the drone. It’s great for first-time users — basically, it’s a really expensive kite.


Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thursday Night, November 17

Today is National Unfriend Day, a.k.a. NUD. We started back in 2010. We try to encourage those of you on Facebook to decide which of your Facebook friends are actually friends and eliminate those who don’t make the cut. My mission is to simplify your life and to bring meaning back to the word “friend,” which has been cheapened. Also I like saying the word “NUD.”

It’s the social media equivalent of cleaning out your fridge. That guy who sat behind you in freshman biology class who keeps posting about his 5K, he’s a container of old beans. Throw him out today. That woman from accounting who posted 30 pictures of her bird today, she’s a tub of cream cheese that has green forming on it.

Unfriend every classmate, co-worker, neighbor, every lady from church who you don’t know who has ever annoyed you. I won’t be happy until you log into Facebook and see a blank white screen, and that’s the goal. Today is not the day to make friends.

Donald Trump today had his first official meeting with a foreign leader as president-elect. He met with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in New York. The meeting actually got off to a rocky start. Trump asked the prime minister if he could teach him how to do the crane kick from “Karate Kid.”

Hillary Clinton was in our nation’s capital last night. She confessed there were times in the past week she just wanted to curl up and never leave the house again. That’s when Bill stepped in and said, “Oh, yes, she will.”

At the end of the speech, Clinton said America is still the greatest country in the world — and then she got on a plane and flew to Sweden, where she will live out her remaining days on Earth.

Donald Trump is planning a victory tour of the states he won. He’s planning on holding a series of rallies starting sometime after Thanksgiving. Maybe this is where he reveals it was all a prank.
  

 
                                
 
    Late Night With Seth Meyers
  Tuesday Night, November 22

According to reports, incoming White House chief of staff Reince Priebus tried to get Donald Trump to cancel today’s meeting with The New York Times because Trump could face questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. It’s the same reason he canceled yesterday’s meeting with Highlights Magazine.

President Obama today awarded 21 people with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Said Obama, “You’re free! Quick, go before he sees you!”

Donald Trump said this afternoon that he was “surprised” one of his top picks for secretary of defense is not in favor of waterboarding. Man, you think you know somebody. And then they turn out to be a decent human being.

When asked this afternoon if he reads The New York Times, Donald Trump told reporters, quote, “I do read it. Unfortunately. I’d live about 20 years longer if I didn’t.” “Got your paper, sir!” said Mike Pence.

Apple’s top designer has created a special Christmas tree that does not feature any lights or decorations. Said the designer, “I . . . didn’t know this was due today.”
 

 


 
 
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