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Cartoons
Cartoons Last Updated: January 21, 2017
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Late Night Jokes  
Last Updated: January 18, 2017
Courtesy: Newsmax


Conan
Tuesday Night, January 17

It’s expected to rain in Washington during Donald Trump’s inauguration. In response, Donald Trump tweeted, “The sky is rigged.”

 It’s rumored that Donald Trump’s transition team is paying seat fillers to attend his inauguration. Just a word of advice to the Trump seat-fillers: Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash.

 Donald Trump said after he’s sworn into office on Friday, he’s going to take the weekend off. Unless, of course, he has to deal with a national emergency or a “Saturday Night Live” sketch. It could go either way.

 It was announced that Alex Rodriguez will host a reality TV show featuring former athletes who are now broke. Or as that’s already known, “Dancing With the Stars.”


The Late Late Show With James Corden
Tuesday Night, January 17

It was announced that the B Street Band — a Bruce Springsteen cover band — that was booked for an inauguration gala has since decided to cancel out of respect for Springsteen’s opposition to Donald Trump. You know it’s bad when even a cover band is like, “We don’t want to compromise our artistic integrity like that.”

The celebrities attending are so non-famous, they’d probably get cast on “Celebrity Apprentice.”

Maybe a Springsteen cover band canceling is all for the best. “Born in the USA” would have been an insensitive song to play at a party celebrating a campaign that was actually born in Russia.

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus have announced they’re shutting down in May after 146 years. I get why their business is failing. It’s hard for Ringling Bros. to claim to be “the greatest show on Earth” when we all know the greatest show on Earth is “The Bachelor.”


 
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Tuesday Night, January 17

We are just three days away from Donald Trump’s inauguration, and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not.

 So Trump might want to put in some more hours just to get his popularity up. He’s got the lowest approval rating of any incoming president in modern history. But, hey, it’s not a popularity contest. And neither was the election.

Right now, Donald Trump has 40 percent favorable, whereas on his Inauguration Day, Barack Obama’s favorability rating was 79 percent. But he was the first black president, and if America’s known for anything, it’s giving black men the benefit of the doubt.

Evidently, any bad news for Trump is rigged. If it rains on Inauguration Day, he’ll tweet, “Fake weather. Clouds are rigged. Apologize!”

Even Trump’s staunchest supporters are starting to have doubts because, evidently, white nationalists are already losing faith in the president-elect. That is so sad. I mean, they’ve gone from “Heil!” to “Huh?”

 
 
 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
  Tuesday Night, January 17

Donald Trump’s inaugural committee is actually encouraging protesters to show up on Friday, saying, quote, “We’ll give you cookies and Kool-Aid.” Then Republicans in Congress were like, “Actually, we drank all the Kool-Aid.”

On Sunday, a Facebook Live video of Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin trash talking the New England Patriots went viral. But Patriots coach Bill Belichick didn’t seem too bothered by it, telling a Boston radio station, quote, “I’m not on SnapFace and all that.” SnapFace?

 Belichick went on to say, “If Tomlin wants to come at me on Instagoogle, that’s his business. We’ll settle this on the field, not Skypee, MyFace, or TubeBook. But please follow me on Pinterest for tips on how to update your home interiors for spring! ’K Byee!”


Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thursday Night, January 12

We have another NFL team in L.A. The San Diego Chargers have announced they will be known now as the Los Angeles Chargers. Two teams is a lot of teams. I was ready for some football. I don’t think I was ready for this much of it.

Reaction from fans here in L.A, I don’t know if I’d call it mixed. They reacted the same way to opening a Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon in the mail.

 Meanwhile, in our nation’s capital, our elected officials had a late night of work. After seven hours of debating, they voted to approve a resolution that would rid the country eventually of Obamacare. Can you imagine, the senators finally worked until 1:30 in the morning, and it was for this? How would Congress like it if we all met in the middle of the night and voted to take THEIR healthcare away?

If Obamacare is repealed, 20 million Americans could lose healthcare which is a very big deal, but we don’t seem to be as fired up. If they voted to take Netflix away from us, we’d go nuts. We would burn things. It would be crazy.
  

 
                                
 
    Late Night With Seth Meyers
  Tuesday Night, January 17

Donald Trump will be sworn in as president this Friday at 12 noon. That’s when the big hand is on the 12, and the little hand is on the Bible.

Today was first lady Michelle Obama’s birthday. And for the eighth year in a row, an overexcited Joe Biden blew out her candles.

A Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter’s wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, “Who are these people?”

A female zebra shark in Australia has shocked researchers by developing the ability to produce offspring asexually, after spending time away from her male partner. And she says that so far he’s buying it!

 


 
 
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