Wednesday Night, August 26
Today is a special day. Today is women's equality day. Donald Trump calls it,
that time of the year again.
At a press conference yesterday, Donald Trump kicked out a Latino reporter but
the man returned a few minutes later. Yeah, so already Trump's deportation plan
Right now in the U.S. the most popular name for baby girls is Emma. The least
popular names are Ashley and Madison.
It has come out that 100 ESPN employees were on the adultery website Ashley
Madison. In other words, infidelity has finally entered the world of sports.
The Late, Late Show With James Corden
Wednesday Night, August 19
Up to 11 states are poised to legalize weed, which would bring the total to 14
states. Marijuana activists are thrilled. They're saying, "Wow, 14 states.
That's more than half of the states."
The Idaho Department of Transportation has gotten rid of its 420-mile marker
because stoners kept stealing it. The government is replacing the 420 signs with
signs that read "Mile 419.9." They're going to be so upset when they realize
that "419.9" is street slang for crystal meth.
The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
Wednesday Night, September 2
In an interview with CNN, former Vice President Dick Cheney said that he has no
plans to endorse Donald Trump. When asked if he'd have a change of heart, Cheney
was like, "Yes, every week."
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker says that he thinks only 12 states will decide
the presidential election. And if Trump wins, those 12 states will include
shock, confusion, outrage, despair, denial, anger, bargaining and finally
President Obama is taking over the White House's official Instagram account this
week to post pictures of his trip to Alaska. Or to put it another way, President
Obama is now your annoying friend on vacation.
While he was in Alaska, President Obama stopped at a cafe and bought out all of
their cinnamon rolls for his staff. The staff was like, "Thanks, Obama." And the
guy behind him in line was like, "Yeah, thanks Obama."
Yesterday, UFC fighter Ronda Rousey accepted a Marine's invitation to the Marine
Corps ball in December. When they heard Ronda Rousey was teaming up with the
Marines, ISIS was like, "We surrender!"
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Monday Night, August 31
Last night was the VMAs over on MTV, and Taylor Swift presented Kanye West with
the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. But there was little bit of a tense
moment when Kanye West took the mic and said the award should have been given to
Kanye West. It's you. Don't start this.
At the end of his speech, Kanye West announced that he's running for president
in 2020. He announced he’s running for president after smoking a bunch of weed.
Then Obama was like, “Been there!”
Trump is doing pretty well in the polls right now, and he’s pretty confident.
Which may be why he’s said he doesn’t plan on running campaign ads that attack
the other candidates. When asked who the ads would attack instead, he said
"Their mothers! It's their fault those losers are here to begin with!"
According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters in
Iowa since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted
them from her database.
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Wednesday Night, August 19
A new CNN poll shows that Donald Trump is within six points of Hillary Clinton.
It’s the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman over 40.
According to a new list, Nashville is the friendliest city in America. While
Philadelphia beat up the person who was putting together the list.
Former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle has pleaded guilty to child pornography
charges. If convicted, he could be in jail for the next 35 to 40 sub-tembers.
Donald Trump said this week that he no longer thinks Heidi Klum is attractive
enough to be called a 10. And then Jared Fogle ran in and said, “Wait, who’s