Conan
Thursday Night, June 13
This Sunday is Father's Day. Or as NBA players call it, "Don't Answer the Phone
Day."
I'm excited that this Sunday is Father's Day because I'm a dad. Yeah, I don't
know what I'm getting yet but I have a feeling the government knows.
A recent report finds that by the year 2043 white people will no longer be the
majority in America. And by 2050 people will be saying, "I'm not racist. One of
my best friends is white."
A recent court case may have laid the groundwork for interns getting paid. It's
the landmark case "Conan vs. the College Students Who Wash His Car."
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Late Show With David Letterman
Thursday Night, June 13
Edward Snowden shows up in a hotel in Hong Kong and announces to the world that
he's leaked confidential National Security Agency memos and documents. He's now
gone. Where is this guy? Gosh, if only there was a way to keep track of people.
Opening this weekend is "Man of Steel." Superman. I'm so excited because a
superhero movie hasn't opened since Friday.
For my money, the best Superman was Sean Connery.
The whole movie, if you go to see it — this is a spoiler alert — is Superman
complaining about having to fly friends to the airport.
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The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Friday Night, June 14
A big movie is opening today — "Man of Steel." People in Hollywood are saying it
could make $100 million this weekend. To give you an idea how much that is, take
the amount of money that the new Will Smith movie made and add $100 million.
Superman is played by Henry Cavil, who is British. I'm not sure why all our
iconic American figures are being played by foreigners. We've got a Superman
from Britain, a Batman from Britain, a Spider-Man from Britain, and a president
from Kenya.
As far as I'm concerned, Christopher Reeve will always be the best Superman.
Just like Sean Connery will always be the best James Bond. I'd love to see
Superman played by Sean Connery. He could just shave an 'S' into his chest hair.
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The Tonight Show With Jay Leno Show
Friday Night, June 14
A 97-year-old man from New York who just received his high
school diploma. Turns out there’s a problem. Apparently he’s only reading at a
95-year-old level.
Yesterday President Obama spoke at the LGBT pride month celebration at the White
House. He promised that as long as he is president, all Americans, regardless of
their sexual orientation, will be spied on equally.
Edward Snowden, the 29-year-old guy behind this NSA spy scandal, said in an
interview that he is not in hiding. Which would have carried a lot more weight
if he hadn’t made the announcement from an undisclosed secret location.
The Taliban is now recruiting women to become suicide bombers. And it's not easy
to qualify. The women must be able to push a car loaded with explosives because,
as you know, they're not allowed to drive over there.
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Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thursday Night, June 13
Father's Day is on Sunday. The first Father's Day was celebrated in 1910. Before
that, there were no fathers.
If you're looking for a thoughtful and expensive gift for dad, here is an idea:
Try not to roll your eyes when he says something.
The much-anticipated "Man of Steel" comes out tomorrow. Finally, a superhero
movie.
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Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Friday Night, June 14
President Obama is traveling to Africa later this month, and it's got some
people upset because the trip is expected to cost taxpayers more than 60 million
dollars. It's mostly for security, hotel accommodations — plus Biden wants a
giraffe.
Last night the Democrats beat Republicans 22-0 in the Congressional Baseball
Game. Yeah, the Republicans were so bad at baseball, that today they're starting
to rethink immigration.
Ever since the government’s spying scandal was exposed, sales of the novel
“1984” have jumped 6,000 percent on Amazon. Yeah, “1984” shows how scary it
would be if society tracked everything you do. And if you want to read it, just
buy it on a website that tracks everything you do.
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