Last night I got together with my neighbors in Murrells Inlet, SC. By unanimous decree, they decided to appoint me as their voice. We've decided that I will speak for all of us 'average' Americans who seldom have their voices heard. You know who I mean, the ones you never see on TV. We're all too busy working, raising our families, going to church and paying our taxes. 

 

The reason I'm writing is to let you all know that we're getting pretty sick and tired of the media, the politicians and the snotty elites who keep claiming to speak for us. They don't.

 

A good example is all those candidates who say we want change. They're right about that, but the change we want is to be able to voice our own opinions without being called racist, sexist or homophobic. Another change we'd like is to be able to click on the tube and not be assaulted with  teenage pop-tarts, same-sex couples swapping spit, and sneering, anti-American self-annointed elites who give the US a bad name. They, most especially, don't speak for us.

 

We'd also like to let you all know that we can take care of our own neighbors and families just fine without some fancy uplifting government program that ends up doing more harm than good. We don't need welfare or subsidies or grants and we don't need government schools frightening our kids about 'global warming.' Most especially, we don't want our 4 year olds being taught how to put a condom on a banana or reading about Heather's two mommies. Mostly we'd just like government to get out of our way. Oh, and we'd also like all those patronizing idiots we see on the TV to quit claiming to speak for us.

 

One more thing: What's with this 'all politics, all the time?' Even Fox News has somehow gotten the notion that we care about who said what to whom, and about what the candidates ate for breakfast on the campaign trail. Hey, it's a good nine months before we vote, so put a cork on the eternally breaking news about the latest he said - she said. All that stuff signifies absolutely nothing to us at this stage of the game. While it's satisfying to see Hillary getting what's coming to her, most of us honestly try not to gloat at the misfortune of others. (I'm smiling right now, but I'm trying hard not to.)

 

Us guys in flyover country are the backbone of this country. We love our country and take seriously the privilege, and duty, of voting. We're the guys that keep the wheels of capitalism rolling and we take pride in our work ethic. We may not have a PhD's after our names but we sure do have the corner on good old common sense. We love our families and try to live a moral life as best we can. We pay our way, and then some.

 

Just one last thing and I'll sign off. All of us in Murrells Inlet are curious as to why no one is mentioning that we're winning the war in Iraq. Just last week, we read that violence in Baghdad was down a whopping 80%. Doesn't that qualify as news?

 

Today, we found out that General Petraeus is drawing up plans to pull more troops out of Iraq after July because of a big drop in attacks and lots of progress on the political front. Heck, just a few days ago we heard about how the Iraq MP's made a big breakthrough by passing some landmark legislation. Like always, we had to get the news from foreign media. How about you pass this BBC story on to the NYT?

Looks to us like America is winning the war in Iraq and everyone's trying to sweep it under the carpet. What's up with that?

 

Hope I didn't offend you all with my plain speaking. We don't hold much truck with what you call 'political correctness' in this neck of the woods. If you do have a problem, be sure to contact our complaint department: JoeSixPack @GodBlessAmerica.com. We'll get right on it. You betcha.

 

PS. Kudos to our Navy. That was a heckuva missile shot. They blasted that broken satellite right out of the sky. Those suckers even managed to hit it right in the old gas tank. Whoa! Ain't America grand?