While I was on vacation last week, someone passed a law against saying the word
'faggot.' Unless you're actually a f.g..t and then I guess it's OK. This law must
have been passed by the same people who declared that the words 'nigger' and 'towel-heads'
illegal. Unless you're black, Muslim or democrat or.. It's all getting very confusing.
I know I didn't vote for any of these new laws and I can't find a record of them
anywhere. I don't know how they managed to become the new rules. And yet they keep
popping up all over the place. For example, did you know it has been decreed that
men and women are now the same? That's right, there are now no differences between
It is also now illegal to hurt someone's feelings or say certain words. Oh, and
it's also an offense to treat Muslim airline passengers the same as American airline
These are just a few examples of the new 'rules'. I wouldn't normally pay much
attention except for the fact that there are now penalties involved for violating
them. And apparently the penalties are quite severe. (I'm still looking but can't
seem to find where they're published)
For instance: The penalty for saying the word 'faggot' seems to be voluntary
attendance at the rehab of your choice followed by lifelong parole. And there is
no way to get this violation taken off your record. (Unless you're a democrat, a Kennedy,
gay, enrolled in a Queer Studies program, or the head of Code Pink)
Failure to acknowledge or show proper penance for uttering the word 'faggot' includes,
but is not limited to, loss of work and/or livelihood. For example, if you're a
writer, your columns will be pulled. If you're an entertainer, sponsors will abandon
you. Other penalties include 'show trials' where your former friends line up to
denounce you thus cementing their membership in the new morally self righteous majority.
Offending the language police, however, is still a misdemeanor. I think. (I still
can't find the right rule book) However, violating the law against challenging current orthodoxy, as defined by the left,
is a far worse offense with greater penalties.
I'm pretty sure that implying that men and women might be genetically different
is a felony. As is being a global warming denier. Both of these are big time infractions
and the penalties match the crime. As far as I've been able to ascertain, implying
any difference between men and women carries a $50 million penalty and loss of one's
job and reputation. Even if you're the president of a university.
For implying that global warming might not be caused by man, one loses financial
grants, credibility, and if CNN gets their way, loss of professional certification.
Oh, and if you live in Washington State, you get fired. In addition, you will forever
carry the stigma of somehow being complicit in the Holocaust. Go figure.
A few other laws that have passed without notice include: Making a joke about Muslims,
acknowledging suspicious activity if the suspicious person is Muslim and calling
homosexuality 'immoral.' Penalties vary depending on party affiliation, race,
gender, sexual orientation and education.
A big no-no is getting caught with more prescription medication than is deemed necessary
(unless you're Patrick Kennedy or Anna Nicole). Also, you could be in big doo-doo if you vote in
the wrong precinct, (unless you're an illegal alien). In addition, you should
definitely check the fine print if you want to fire your attorney. And if by chance
you've been slandered, it's best not to try and correct the public record (unless
you're a covert CIA agent). And please keep in mind at all times that any crimes
against the environment will be dealt with most harshly.
It's hard to keep track of these new laws. Forgive me if I'm not abreast of the
most current interpretations. My only excuse is, I have a life. But one should know
that ignorance is no excuse. Unless you learn these new rules you're at extreme
risk. The only exceptions allowed are for liberals, gays, blacks, victims, pedophiles,
democrat politicians, Ph.D.'s, feminists and/or tenured professors. Oops, I almost forgot...
if you're officially certified as 'carbon neutral' you're also given a pass. (Please
note that official certification is offered only by AlGore's firm)
Before you get too depressed, let me assure you that there is a silver lining. The
good news is it's still only a misdemeanor to acknowledge God in the public square.
More good news? Well, the rules against holding blacks accountable seem to be relaxing
of late (but only if you're black). Also, the penalties have been removed for implying
AIDS is a 'gay' disease. No-one much cares now that the cause du jour has switched
In addition, it's still OK to criticize Mormons, Christians and white males (unless
they're gay). And you'll be glad to know 'kike' has been taken off the list of banned
words. Also, if you're intent on empowering yourself, it's OK to revere your
vagina in public and for you guys out there, you should know that 'shame' has been abolished.
It's now OK to impregnate the woman of your choice and the government will pick
up the tab. Is this a great country
I know having different sets of rules for different groups of people can be very
confusing. But that's OK. I've been told my confusion stems from the fact that I
live in flyover country, don't have a Ph.D., and am a conservative instead of being
just plain stupid. Whew.
I'm pretty sure that the 'elites' know what's best. The 'greater
good' and all that. Besides, I've been assured time and again that these new rules
are by far the best way to achieve true diversity in our multicultural society.
And also to keep the planet from melting.
On the bright side, a very credible source, the Supreme Court no less, has deemed
that these rules will only be necessary for another 24 years. Or until someone changes
them. Or adds to them. Or they could be in effect for just as long as we
continue to obey them.
You hit the nail on the head. Suddenly the word faggot seems destined for hate crime
status. Even Michael Medved referred to it as the "F word" when talking about Ann
Coulter's comments. Give me a break, I thought the term "F word" was already taken.
I guess we'll start having to assign numbers as designators F1, F2 etc...When will
the insanity stop?
More good news... You're still permitted to criticize another person for public
display of limited intelligence. I'd suggest you avoid flaunting.
Hi Nancy, Bravo! Kudos to you. You couldn't have said it better. I support your
thoughts 100%. Keep up your good work. Remember, the 'good guys (and girls)' always
win in the end. Steve
I agree with the statements about the word-nazi's. It's getting out of control when
certain words are banned from everyone except liberals and those being victimized.
I'm a conservative teenager, one of the few with a brain in my generation. I think
if black people can make the "n-word" EVERY word in their songs then why can't we
say it in an unharmful jest? And the word "faggot" doesn't even mean gay. It's been
taken completely out of context by the Democrats. It's like they're calling Edwards