Welcome To Our Homosexual Day of Silence|
April 15, 2011
Friday, April 15, the
Homosexual Day of Silence is being promoted in government schools across
Welcome students. Today is the big day. Today is your chance to take a stand against
the forces of bigotry and homophobia that unfairly targets our brothers, sisters
and others in the gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual and gender optional community.
By your very presence here, you signify your complete acceptance and approval of
alternative lifestyles, sex on demand and the right of all to engage in whatever
sexual practices feel good at the moment. You should be proud. And you may
all now officially consider yourself enlightened. And empowered.
I want to thank all of you for not bowing down to the fanatical and intolerant Christians
who hate sex. I want to acknowledge your bravery, tolerance and dedication to the
concept of gender neutrality and the right of every man, woman and others to choose
whichever sexual orientation they prefer.
We all recognize the problems you all encounter in your support of these basic human
rights. And one day soon, thanks to you, gay men will not have to face the abject
discrimination of being forced to use a men's room. Pretty soon, I envision a world
where all gender challenged people will be judged by the content of their character
instead of their sexual orientation.
Until that day comes, however, I urge you to continue to flaunt your sexuality in
the faces of those who, incredibly, still object to men swapping spit with other
men. Remember, they are repressed. It's not their fault. They just don't "get it."
I'd also like to thank our generous sponsors, your very own teacher's union. Thanks
to them, we have arranged a variety of field trips and a several opportunities for
activism. Sign up sheets are available and you will all get class credit and a small
stipend for your participation.
Sorry Jannella, we're not taking questions. This is a day of silence. Just listen
and don't comment. Unless of course, you're a homophobe....
As I was saying, (could you please quiet down there in back), this school
is behind you all the way and will be happy to sponsor any "spontaneous" gatherings
in support of our LGBT community. Our print shop has designed and printed several
posters you can choose from. (What? No, sorry, we're all out of the Jesus is a Fag
Because those mean-spirited Republicans just forced Obama to decimate the budget,
our teacher's union has been forced to limit the usual per diem. Of course, if your
protest makes it to national TV, we'll happily reconsider.
Because this is a national day of silence, I'd like to suggest some excellent visual
opportunities. I have several tubes of lipstick for any of you guys out there. Having
you boys wear lipstick is a great way to banish the remaining stereotypes of manly
men. For you gals, we have these cute buttons with pictures of manly women and effeminate
men. (Yes, Henry, you can have both lipstick and a button.)
Last but not least, I'd like to announce our Homosexual Pride essay contest. Our
generous teacher's union has offered a grand prize of $500.00 for whomever pens
the most articulate and inflammatory essay. The topic is: How Marriage Between a
Man and a Woman is Unconstitutional. The winner and runner-up will also be given
a pass on math and science for the rest of the semester. (Quiet down!!! This is
a day of silence!)
For those of you in the lower grades that haven't yet learned to write, we're offering
a prize for the best poster. If you need some help, just holler. Just kidding!
I'd like to thank all of you for your support. I'd also like to stress that your
participation in this momentous event is mandatory. We'd appreciate it if you didn't
mention this to your parents. Believe it or not, some parents would object. I know,
I know. But take heart in the fact that pretty soon they'll see the light. NAMBLA
has a table right over there that offers lots of good information that should come
in handy should you need to educate your parents.
You are all excused from classes for the rest of the day. Now go out there and make
your silence heard!
is a columnist and
news editor for conservative news site RightBias.com
She lives in South Carolina
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