It's For Your Own Good|
April 28, 2010
Since I've been otherwise occupied making a living, it's reassuring to know that
my government is looking out for me. In just the last month, our tireless public
servants have proposed numerous measures that will make my life better and more
No longer will I have to worry about drug addicts being able to rig a urine test.
The Senate is set to vote on a measure that would make it
illegal to sell fake urine
for the purpose of falsifying a drug test. Whew.
While they're at it, Congress is also working on
banning smokeless tobacco
in Major League Baseball. Not only that, but Obama
just signed legislation
that bans the Post Office from shipping cigarettes,
and the CDC is
preparing to launch
a co-ordinated 50-state anti-smoking campaign. This
in case you didn't know that smoking may contribute to lung cancer.
Meanwhile, the bureaucrats at the Food and Drug Administration are planning an unprecedented
reduce the salt in my diet
. Of course, this is for my own good. The FDA is also
developing a new regulation
that would require food manufacturers to
display the nutritional content of food on the front of packages. Finally!
Going a step further, a county supervisor in California has proposed a
ban on the inclusion of toys
in restaurant meals that contain high amounts
of sugar, salt or certain fats. Whoa. Now my kids are protected too - for their own
The new fuel mandates Obama recently instituted will keep the earth from melting.
Who knew? I figure
the additional $1,100 cost
they add to every new car is a small price to
pay. And in a further effort to save the earth, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi held
a press conference to announce that the new "green" light fixtures in the House
cafeteria will recoup their $140,000
in only 10 years. You won't find any waste of tax dollars on her watch. You betcha.
Speaking of going green, our eco-conscious legislators are also considering enacting
21st Century Green High-Performing Public Schools Facilities Act
. For only
bucks, this act will create a "healthier, safer and
more energy-efficient teaching environment by requiring schools to use green materials."
This is a small price to pay to save the earth and educate future generations, right?
I figure the
$670 billion in gross tax increases
since January of 2009 are well worth
the price for the excellent work being done on my behalf. Hey, that's only $2,100
dollars for every man, woman and child. And Obama assures me that rich fat cats
will be paying the freight for all these new safety measures that will benefit us
all. How cool is that?
With Obama in charge, I no longer have to worry about terrorists attacking us. And
if Obama is OK with rogue state Iran having the ability to make nuclear bombs, then
its OK with me, too. After all, he's the expert. And after
seeing him on American Idol
, I'm reassured that our president will be able
to charm all our enemies into laying down their arms and joining Obama in his quest
for world peace. Kumbaya.
Just knowing that the government is looking out for me makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Even though 80% of Americans say
they can't trust Washington
and have little faith that the massive federal
bureaucracy can solve America's problems, I know they're wrong. Just look at what
the government has done for us lately.
Nancy Morgan is a columnist and news editor for
She lives in South Carolina
Article may be reprinted, with attribution