Obamamania is sweeping the world as media types, aging hippies and socialists around
the world quiver with delight over their new messiah. Barack Obama finally prevailed
over the old white dude and the hockey mom, winning the White House after the
longest campaign in history. A new world order is on the way. The utopians have
These are heady days for the left. Finally, things are going their way. The
economy tanked right on cue, just in time for political contenders to validate their
platforms, which consisted of 'its all Bush's fault - so elect me.' And now,
with Obama as president-elect, these same politicos are furiously planning the new
world order. Finally, their version of reality will be realized.
World peace will probably be first on the agenda. Obama, as president, will give
all those dictators a good talking to. He'll make them see the error of their ways
and during the first 100 days of his presidency, the first plank of the Obama World
Peace Initiative will take hold: Peace through negotiation. Thugs will lay down
their arms, Iran will halt their nuclear program and N. Korea will join the community
Once Obama has shown these bad boys the error of their ways, he'll be ready to tackle
his next big job -saving the earth from melting. Of course, this will require a
temporary halt to capitalism but hey, ya gotta break a few eggs, right?
The bright side is, Obama will actually be able to deliver on a campaign promise
- the promise to bankrupt the coal industry.
Obama will explain that saving Mother Earth will require both blind faith and lots
of cash. And we'll believe him because he sounds so, well, so passionate and truthful.
The United Nations has already laid the groundwork and come up with a price tag.
According to the IEA
, a mere $45 trillion bucks should do
Obama will explain how sacrifices are necessary and everyone should pay their dues,
even those selfish conservatives.
Then, he will unveil his PR masterpiece, a national competition, run by the NEA,
to see who can make the most sacrifices. The kids will love it.
For those that object to the extra $7,000 investment per household required to save
Mother Earth, well, they're either deniers or racists. Or just plain old meanies.
Obama will summon Hillary from her post on the Supreme Court to explain to all the
peons that it really does take a village to make change.
Next up, Iraq. With a fistful of newly forged treaties backed by heartfelt promises
from Iran, the Palestinians and assorted terror groups, Obama will finally bring
our troops home from Iraq. The Iraqis, thanks to Obama, will now be free to explore
and determine their own culture without the destructive influence of the West. Iran
will be effusive in praise of the United States and the rest of the world will like
us again. Take that, George Bush.
While Obama is otherwise engaged in saving the planet and ensuring world peace,
First Lady Michelle Obama, (who's pet project will carry the catchy label of 'We're
All One') will be busy planning a reconciliation fete for all those guys we've dissed
in the past. Like Chavez, Castro, and whoever is running Africa at the time. The
theme of this week long 'multicultural' celebration is being kept secret but rumors
are afoot that Elton John is burning up Google looking for words that rhyme with
Kumbaya. Another gold for Elton?
While Obama and Michelle are busy changing the world, Obama's Cabinet won't be letting
any grass grow under their feet. Former Congressman and new 'Director of Equity,'
Paul Kanjorski will be implementing his new "Reasonable Profits Board" in which
the government will determine whether or not a companies profits are excessive.
And Maxine Waters, (title still being determined) will be working out the mechanics
of nationalizing the oil companies and the airline industry.
Meanwhile, Vice-President Joe Biden will be working feverishly on his 10 point
plan to abolish racism, having promised Michelle to have it ready in time for her
Finally, with Obama leading the way, America will experience real change. The politics
of meaning will replace reality. The playing field will be levelled and America
will stand alongside all the diverse cultures of the world as their equal. Finally,
America will get what it deserves.
Above article is a revised version of original
article posted June, 2008.
Nancy Morgan is a columnist and news editor for
She lives in South Carolina.
Article may be reprinted, with attribution.