How to Save Money and Promote Athletic Diversity...
My Plan for Eliminating School Shootings|
December 26, 2012
As a candidate for president of the United States, it is incumbent on me to
make a statement regarding the Sandy Hook massacre and to explain how my
policies would help prevent other such massacres should I become president. As I
discuss this sensitive topic, it is also incumbent on me to sound more rational
and articulate than the incumbent. That will not be difficult.
As president, I plan to attack the issue in two ways. First, I will use the
bully pulpit to influence voters and state lawmakers. Second, I will take direct
action to influence the federal judiciary.
Plan A is to try to persuade states to replace teacher certification with CCW
permit certification. We all know that the teacher certification process is a
racket. It just means taking more classes from "education" professors who lack
substantive knowledge in any specific area of expertise. So instead of having a
college degree and teacher certification, I believe that states should make
teachers have a college degree and a concealed weapons permit. This will pay off
in three distinct ways if states also change their laws to allow those with
permits to carry on campus.
1. Reduced violence. First and foremost, concealed weapons
permits decrease violence. The rationale is simple if we consider that crime
only happens when a motivated offender encounters a suitable target in the
absence of a capable guardian. Everyone knows that the gunless are suitable
targets for violent crime. This is particularly the case when there is no one
around to guard them.
So my plan will turn these teachers into capable guardians. I really think
everyone will benefit when teachers stop taking "social justice in the
classroom" and other silly education classes in order to be certified to teach
our kids. Simply put, there can be no social justice when children are being
slaughtered in the schoolhouse.
2. More male teachers (and fewer metrosexual students). Some
have suggested that most female teachers would not feel comfortable around guns.
So they might be deterred from teaching if they have to go through weapons
certification, which requires firing a weapon. This is not a problem as far as I
For far too long, men have been grossly underrepresented in the teaching
profession. This has had a profound impact on young men. From kindergarten to
high school graduation, they are too often in the position of trying to please a
female authority figure. This lack of balance affects their relationships with
both women and men. A constant concern with pleasing women eventually turns a
man into a woman. That is why we have so many young adult metrosexual males
talking about their feelings.
Simply put, having gun toting male role models in the classroom will be good.
Having your student taught by Ted Nugent just might keep him from becoming Ted
3. Fewer liberals in the teaching profession. For years,
conservatives have been looking for a cure to the problem of liberal
indoctrination in our schools. You are reading the solution right now. Clearly,
most liberals would rather be unemployed than to have to touch a weapon. The
weapon is a reminder of the fallen of nature of man. Liberals know that if man
is not good, then liberalism is wrong.
Liberals who care enough about liberalism to teach it for a living would rather
be dead than wrong. Some might say I'm dead wrong about this one. Actually, I am
alive and I am right. And you know it. That's why I'm going to be your next
Plan B: Speaking of the presidency, I will be tasked with choosing judges when I
become president. When I do, there will be a Roe v. Wade litmus test. This will
indirectly affect violence toward children in two distinct but interrelated
1. Creating a culture of life in the long term. Liberal
politicians like to pretend that they care about dead children - especially
after a school shooting occurs. The very day some lunatic kills twenty children
in a school shooting, liberals are right there on television lobbying for
stricter gun control measures. The very next day they are lobbying to preserve
abortion rights - even though the procedure kills 3000 innocent children daily.
We seldom give much thought to the hypocrisy - even though the unborn child
dismembered with a scalpel is every bit as human as the kindergartner shot with
We did not get this calloused overnight. And our hearts will not be softened
overnight. It will take years of decisions by judges who understand that no
innocent child deserves to die - not even if his dad was a rapist. My judicial
appointments will all be sworn to uphold life. There will be no diversity or
tolerance on this issue during my administration.
2. The Roe litmus test immediately filters out anti second
amendment judges. Have you ever noticed that people who think
professional wrestling is real are the same people who think the moon landing
was fake? Similarly, judges who believe the word "abortion" is written in the
constitution are the same ones who cannot see the word "arms" written in the
constitution. By filtering out pro abortion judges, we will also filter out pro
gun control judges.
Forgive me if my response to the recent school shootings is terse or if my
approach to reducing them seems simple. In some ways, the issue is very simple.
But turning the tide on the problem of school shootings will require patience
and resolve. With most politicians, that’s where things get complicated. But I
plan to keep shooting straight with you, no matter how unpopular my policies may
In a nutshell, I believe that effective gun control means shooting with both
hands on your weapon. It doesn't mean tying the hands of capable guardians and
turning innocent children into suitable targets for motivated offenders.
Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina
Wilmington and author of
Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting
Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand, due out in
Support RightBias with your advertising dollars