My readers may or may not have heard of squeegee people. Those of you who
haven't need to hear about them. This is especially true if you spend much time
traveling by car, particularly in big cities.
Squeegee people will approach your car in traffic in some major cities holding a
squeegee in one hand and a cup in the other hand. They will start cleaning your
windshield without securing your permission. When they are done, they hold out
their cup expecting to be compensated for their "work." But paying them isn't
optional. It's required. Anyone who refuses gets the side of his car keyed with
the metal frame of the squeegee. It's a form of extortion that street people
learned from politicians who shake down corporations they later accuse of
representing "powerful special interest groups."
The solution to squeegee people is pretty simple. You must keep a firearm in
your car at all times, especially when driving through a densely populated urban
area. My weapon of choice is the Taurus Judge. My ammo of choice is the
Winchester PDX1 self-defense round.
Of course, just having a gun in these situations helps. Chances are, you'll
never have to use or even brandish it. This was true of a friend of mine who had
an encounter with one of these squeegee people just a couple of months ago. The
man approached the car, cleaned the windshield, and then held out his cup
waiting for his “tip.” Then things took an unexpected turn.
My friend responded in a way that would have made fans of the movie Grand
Torino proud. He held up his left hand in the shape of a gun and dropped his
thumb to mimic the dropping of the hammer. The Clint Eastwood imitation worked.
The man withdrew his cup, smiled, and quietly went on his way.
Notice that my friend, who was indeed packing heat, didn't have to draw his
weapon. He just calmly let the man know that he had one and that he wasn't going
to allow some punk to extort money from him under the threat of keying the side
of his car using the metal portion of the squeegee.
It was just another crime that didn't happen and another insurance report that
didn't have to be filed. And who wouldn't be happy about that? I think some of
you already know the answer.
Because I so loved hearing the story of my friend's successful encounter with
the squeegee extortionist, I decided to share it with another professor here at
UNC-Wilmington. The professor is one I've previously spoken to on the issue of
guns. We have opposite opinions on the issue but we also have a very good
relationship. Accordingly, I feel comfortable planting a stone in his shoe from
time to time.
His reaction to the story surprised even me. It was one that speaks volumes
about the worldview our kids absorb every day in the secular progressive
academy. This was his word-for-word response: "But the squeegee people have to
eat. It's what they have to do."
For those unable to decipher the remark, there are two important propositions
expressed in those two sentences. Here is the rough translation:
1. Criminals are products of their environments wholly lacking in free will.
2. Crime is not caused by criminals but is instead caused by ordinary citizens
who refuse to share scarce resources with those who are less fortunate.
These two propositions pose two distinct problems for people who espouse them.
They follow in no particular order of importance:
1. When we deny free will we do more than just explain away people's bad
acts. Unfortunately, we explain away their good acts, too. If the absence of
free will means that people cannot be blamed for committing a crime then it
means that people cannot be praised for conformity. Nor can they be credited for
major achievements such as earning a college degree or building a successful
business. Remember: You didn't build that!
2. If free will is lacking among those you seek to defend, it is also lacking
among your enemies (including your political opponents). We've all heard the
adage that if guns were outlawed then only outlaws would have guns. Were the
government to criminalize all gun ownership, gun owners could claim that their
crimes were not freely chosen. Like the squeegee people, the gun owner would be
a helpless automaton forced to take matters into his own hands because others
refused to share scarce resources. In this case, it would be the fault of
government agents who refused to share their guns with the average man on the
If there ever comes a day when the government bans gun ownership altogether, we
really are going to have to take to the streets. I would suggest taking squirt
guns and empty cups and targeting every Prius as well as every vehicle that has
a COEXIST bumbler sticker.
Of course, I hope that day never comes. In the meantime, maybe we should
consider limiting squeegee ownership to those who work for the government. After
all, the constitution is silent on the issue.
Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina
Wilmington and author of
Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting
Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.