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Cartoons
Cartoons Last Updated: April 18, 2015
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Late Night Jokes  
Last updated: April 18
Courtesy: Newsmax


Conan
Thursday Night, April 16

Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that's not fair.

Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can't write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that's not going to happen.

A Wisconsin woman recently got a high school diploma at the age of 103 and says she is now considering going to college. Friends are recommending a two-year college.

 A new report shows that the typical tourist in Las Vegas is a 45-year-old married person from California. That explains the new motto — what happens in Vegas probably also happens in Fresno.


Late Show With David Letterman
Thursday Night, April 16

Hillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It's to get to know the people she'll never, ever see again in her life.

 Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.

According to a new poll, 57 percent of the people believe Hillary Clinton will be the next president. Now 43 percent of the people in that poll believe Hillary Clinton is already president.


 

 
 
 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
  Thursday Night, April 9

Yesterday President Obama traveled to Jamaica, where he will meet with students and Caribbean leaders. Jamaica's such a beautiful place, Obama says he can't wait to just take it all in, hold it for several seconds, and then exhale.

In a new interview, the president discussed the upcoming election. He said that Hillary Clinton is going to do great as a presidential candidate. When asked how Biden would do, Obama said, "Hillary's going to do great."

When he was asked about Hillary's candidacy, Obama said, "If she's her wonderful self, I'm sure she'll do great." He added, "If she's her other self, watch out."

A group called Draft Biden 2016 has started selling bumper stickers that say "I'm ridin' with Biden." It's a lot better than the other one that women around the White House have started using — "I'm hidin' from Biden."


Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Monday Night, April 16

The cast of "The Avengers: Age of Ultron" is here. Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson. We gathered them together in one place. They fell into my trap. Tonight I will destroy them.

I got to see the new "Avengers" movie last week. It's really good. It's different. In this one, the Avengers go to Maui for the week and let the world solve its own problems.

The Hulk has new pants in the movie. Instead of getting torn up in that Hulky way, they are made of a material that stretches with him. What that means is The Hulk is wearing yoga pants now. The Hulk shops at Lululemon.

They project that "The Avengers: Age of Ultron" will make $200 million on opening weekend alone. The first Avengers movie made $1.5 billion. Imagine how much they would make if the guys going to opening weekend brought dates?    

 
                                
 
    Late Night With Seth Meyers
  Thursday Night, April 9

A man has been arrested in Chicago after a returning from a failed attempt to join ISIS. Man, how do you blow it with ISIS? “Derth to America! I mean, death! Death to America! Can I try it again?”

AC/DC is headlining the Coachella Music Festival this weekend. AC/DC at Coachella. I wonder what they’ll open with. Probably a lengthy explanation of who they are.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today appeared on a talk show called "Pasta and Politics." It went so well that he’s agreed to go on “Meet the Garlic Press.”    

 


 
 
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