Thursday Night, July 16
In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice
cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said "Hey, she stole my speech."
A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally
something good is going to come out of Donald Trump.
A company is trying to fund a new endeavor known as Uber for Kids. So parents
will soon be teaching their kids that they shouldn't talk to strangers but they
should get into a car with them.
iPhone users are reporting that Siri will correct them if they try to say Bruce
Jenner instead of Caitlyn. In a related story, Siri is now asking to be
addressed as Steve.
The Late, Late Show With James Corden
Wednesday Night, July 29
A designer in New York is developing the world's first spray-on condom. True
story. If you're wondering how this works — it doesn't.
There's a new app out called MileHi that allows users to find people on their
flight who are looking to have sex. This app is the most downloaded app at
check-in and the most deleted app at baggage claim. No one is finding their soul
mate on this app. It must be so frustrating when the guy is like, "I'm not
really looking for anything long-term. I'm actually changing planes in
The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
Wednesday Night, July 29
It seems like every day, another candidate comes out of the woodwork. In fact
this week, a man from Iowa whose actual legal name is Deez Nuts, announced that
he is running for president. Then Americans looked at the other candidates and
said, “He can't be worse than DOZE nuts.”
The NFL upheld Tom Brady’s four-game suspension yesterday, and said the decision
involved the fact that Brady destroyed his cellphone just before he was
investigated. Then Hillary said, “You didn’t have to destroy it — you just
switch the SIM card memory chip! Uh, so I’ve heard. I don't know. Bye. Gotta
A dentist from Minnesota went on one of those big-game hunting trips in Africa
and ended up illegally killing a pretty famous lion named Cecil. So many people
hate this guy, Donald Trump is considering him as a running mate. "This guy is
the worst. He’s perfect for my campaign."
A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for
you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad
for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Monday Night, July 27
There's a new study that says standing for prolonged periods of time on the job
can lead to long-term back pain and musculoskeletal disorders. Which is kind of
funny because for the last three years all we've been hearing is how bad it is
to sit all day at work. Maybe the problem isn't standing or sitting, maybe the
problem is work.
Donald Trump — there are still 15 months to go in this election, he was all over
the news again today. He's on everything all the time. I don't know how he's
going to keep up this pace. Donald Trump has reached a saturation level that is
nothing short of Kardashian-esque.
A hot new surf destination has been discovered and it's none other than North
Korea. Up until this point, surfboards have been used primarily as a means of
escape from North Korea. I can't think of any country that embodies the
easygoing surfer attitude more than North Korea. The Beach Boys should
definitely write a song about this.
The NFL upheld the four-game suspension they imposed on Tom Brady for his
suspected role in Deflategate, which upset Tom Brady — he was expecting it to be
reduced, especially since one of his colleagues got a two-game suspension for
hitting his wife in an elevator.
The league upheld the suspension because they said Tom Brady willfully
obstructed his investigation by telling his assistant to destroy his cellphone.
The way the NFL is reacting to this, you'd think they caught Tom Brady running a
meth lab under Gillette Stadium.
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Monday Night, July 27
Donald Trump said yesterday that he would love to have Sarah Palin in his
administration because she is somebody who knows what's happening. Said Sarah
Palin, "Trump's running for president? When did that happen?"
Chris Christie said yesterday if he's elected, he'll fight against legalized
marijuana, so Colorado and Washington residents had better, quote, "Smoke that
pot now." Colorado and Washington residents said, "OK. That was the plan all
along. Are you guys trying to trick us? Hey, if you're a cop, you have to tell
us. You're eating doughnuts."
A teen couple has won over $20,000 in scholarship money for making their prom
outfits. They made their prom outfits entirely from duct tape. Unfortunately,
they had to spend it all on hospital bills after taking the outfits off.
Scientists said yesterday that the T. rex may have had teeth serrated like a
steak knife, which may have helped it eat meat more efficiently. Experts believe
the T. rex evolved the knife-like teeth after having so much trouble using